15 Jul 2023 • 4 min read • 1

Gear - The New 15" MacBook Air M2 Has Ruined My Life - A Satirical Letter to Apple

In this light-hearted open letter to Apple, I recount the unexpected ways this mighty machine has disrupted my life of laid-back leisure. From its mind-boggling multitasking capabilities and lightning-fast speed to its dazzling Retina display, the MacBook Air M2 has transformed my digital existence. You see, this sleek and powerful creation from Apple has managed to turn my world upside down, and I can’t help but share my mixed feelings about it.

First an admission: I hail from the from the land of Intel. A place where spinning wheels were a daily ritual, not an anomaly. Its quirks were the comforting hum of a familiar song… or that may be just the hum of the fans.

Pear with bite
July 15, 2023 Tim Cook CEO Apple Inc. 1 Infinite Loop Cupertino, CA 95014

Dear Apple,

Let me just start by saying, what in the name of all that is unholy were you thinking with this MacBook Air M2? I mean, seriously, did you set out to ruin my life? Because that’s exactly what it feels like. The newest beast in your menagerie, the MacBook Air M2, has ushered in a reign of terror upon my digital life, and frankly, I don’t know how much more I can take.

You see, Apple, I was once a content man, basking in the sweet inertia of digital chaos. My life was a symphony of opening multiple apps, carefully balancing my ungodly amount of open tabs teetering on the brink of browser collapse. It crashed occasionally, but at least it gave me some breathing room, some time to contemplate the existential mysteries of life while waiting for it to load. It was a beautiful relationship, in its own dysfunctional way. Ah, the good old days. But then, you had to go and unleash the MacBook Air M2, and my world was turned upside down. This thing is a beast, an overachiever of epic proportions.

This 15” form factor monster doesn’t just laugh in the face of my clumsy digital juggling act—it roars with laughter. It devours tabs I carelessly fling at it like they’re appetizers at an all-you-can-eat buffet, leaving it begging for more. “Is that all you’ve got?” it taunts, gleefully munching through my once-overflowing plate of digital demands. It’s a horrifying sight to behold.

Do you remember the humble coffee break, Mr.Cook? That sacred ritual we all cherished amidst our daily grind? Those brief moments of respite where I could indulge in a sip of caffeine and pretend to be engaged in deep thought. Well, those days are gone. Your M2 chip has bulldozed those precious moments. The Apple Silicon barrels through tasks at such ungodly speed that I scarcely have time to blink, let alone enjoy a sip of my java. What cruel game is this, where productivity comes at the cost of caffeine? My coffee cup remains untouched, a victim of your relentless pursuit of efficiency. It’s like a cruel joke, a cosmic conspiracy against slacking off.

And let’s not forget the screen. I swear, it’s like you’ve taken reality, sprinkled it with Retina fairy dust, and trapped it behind a glass panel. It’s as if you’ve unleashed a visual masterpiece that taunts my imperfect human eyes. It’s a little much, don’t you think?

This beast, it doesn’t just perform—it performs while mocking my previous existence. It’s sleek, it’s silent, and it’s incredibly efficient. It’s like a cybernetic panther, pouncing on tasks with ruthless precision while purring with satisfaction (in smug silence). You’ve replaced my peaceful co-existence with digital chaos with a relentless tango of productivity. I’m exhausted.

So, I beg you, Apple. Could we perhaps return to the golden age of manageable chaos? A sprinkle of lag, a pinch of freeze—surely they’re not too much to ask for? Because, as it stands, the MacBook Air M2 is a digital Goliath—unstoppable, unrelenting, and utterly unruly. It’s a wild stallion that refuses to be tamed, a tempest that laughs at the thought of a teacup.

Yours truly,

Dillon M. Baird - Autograph Dillon M. Baird

In conclusion, dear reader (and I hope you’re reading this with the smirk it deserves), this laptop is an overachiever. It’s a monolith of productivity, a demon of efficiency, and it takes no prisoners. So, approach with caution. Do not be lured by its siren song of limitless tabs, everlasting battery, and godlike speed. Resist the temptation. Remember me. Remember us. And if you fail to heed my (clearly tongue-in-cheek) warning, well, you’ve only got yourself to blame!

PRODUCT REVIEW

Image of Apple 15" M2 Macbook Air (2023)

Apple 15" M2 Macbook Air (2023)

★ ★ ★ ★ ★ 5/5

Meet the MacBook Air M2, the laptop that's too efficient for its own good. With the swiftness of a gazelle, it gobbles up every digital task thrown its way, making other devices look like they're moving in slow motion. This 15” titan not only impresses but perplexes, offering more power than one knows what to do with, all while wrapped in a sleek, enviable package.

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